New kitties

Mummy puss and the two newbies. Haven't got names for them yet so any
suggestions gratefully received.

Pain in the arm

Will try and give you the short version. Had heart palpitating type thing going on so called ambulance. Spent the evenin in Southampton General Hospital to be told that they have no idea what caused it, but not to worry! Anyway, woke up this morning and this was the mess my arm was in.
More later when I feel a little more enthusiastic.

shifting cactus

Had to move my cactus from my ex-house in the centre, to storage until I have new place to live. It was about 25km in the pissing rain. I will just leave you with the film, as it sort of shows all.

Food fiasco

I realise that these entries are not in any particular order, I still haven't posted about how I turned a barman gay! Anyway, back to the point. Yesterday was desperately hungry, but could not decide what I wanted. Finally plumped for sausage and mash. Went back to my suite to wait for it, and after half an hour, it still hadn't arrived, so I needed something from reception so went to wander down there. Got to the lift, and it isn't moving from ground floor. A french guy I drink with comes up the stairs, so I ask him if there is a problem with the lift. He says it should be fixed now, a waiter was getting into the lift and the doors closed on him, throwing the tray all over the deck. Just then the lift doors open, and we were greeted by the delicious smell of onion gravy, normally associated with sausage and mash. Sure enough, my fucking meal has been elevatored. Descending to the lobby, mouth a-watering, I wondered how much longer it was gonna take. I strode through to the restaurant just in time to see my food being brought out of the kitchen. Delirious with hunger, and gratitude, we returned to the suite, where I scoffed in no uncertain terms.

Later that day, I bumped into the French bloke, who informed me, that when they were cleaning up the mess, they were chucking the food back onto my plate. So, not only did the little fuckers feed me lift floor food, but they charged me 15 fucking dollars for the privelege. Pissed off!

P.S. Since Barney left, weather has been great. Ain't that about a bitch!

A bit of catch-up

Not too sure where to start, so will attempt some form of logical order.
Ok, couldn't think of any logical way of doing it, so will just crack on regardless. Firstly, Barney has been over for a visit. I made the schlep over to Singapore to meet him from the airport, and I hired us a limo to have a mooch around the city. The driver was nice enough and was a good tour guide, although it would have been nice if he had occasionally paused to take a breath. I bet he would be a wicked didge player. Got ourselves onto the ferry, for the magical hour long crossing to Batam. About halfway across it started pissing down, so we sat under cover, while the locals asked Barney if he was David Beckham and got their photos taken with him.
We arrived in Batam, blagged our way through Immigration, hopped into the car and headed straight for the hotel. Ten minutes into the journey, Barney went to get something from his bag, when we remember that it is still at the ferry terminal with the porters there. Had to race back down to the ferry, bribe the porter chappy and try again.
We got to hotel and got Barney settled in to my lounge room and partook of a quick beer or two and some grub, we headed off to a local joint opposite the hotel, which was really nothing more than a shed, some plastic furniture, and some pretty al fresco toilet arrangements. After an undisclosed amount of beers and Barney falling off his chair, we adjourned to a pleasant seedy collection of bars on the seafront. Being about 2am by now on a Monday night, they were closed, but a load of the staff were sat outside a shop having a beer. As a couple of them recognised me, they called us over, and we had a beer with them. After half a bottle, they decided to open up the bar for us. We sat by the sea getting quietly mashed, while all the staff decide to go swimming. In the middle of the night. On a rocky beach well known for its cobra infestation. In a sea you could fry chips in. Barney and I did not join in. Bit of a grey area, memory-wise, but ended up back at hotel with a bundle more beers.

New Cactus

One of these is one of the pictures of me trying to get my new cactus back to my house in Puri Legenda. I was originally just gonna put it in the car, but when I went to pick it up, it was a shit load bigger than I remembered it as being. So they had to deliver it. It was balanced on the back of a flat bed, with a guy holding on to it as we motored from the nursery place to my house. Fucking amusing sight plodding down the road followed by a gigantic cactus on a truck!

One of the others is of Sri, an admin from where I worked, who helped me find a good reputable cactus purveyor, and translated if I was unable to fully understand the sales guy. She is 7 feet tall, but even she looks like a midget compared to Kate the cactus.

And of course, yours truly. What an enormous bit of kit. You really have to be there to realise how damn big the thing is. They had another huge plant there, that makes this thing look dwarf. It was really odd looking and had a bit of a smell to it, and was loads of money. So I asked the guy more about it, and the reason it was so expensive was that it protected your house from magic! So if you want to fuck the arse off of Hermione Granger, this is not the plant for you.

Map of Batam

I live at the far east of Batam Centre and I work in Tanjung Uncang. It is quite a haul to travel every day!

Quick bit of weirdity

I had taken a nap after work to dispose of a headache, and when I got up to make some food, I sat down to a bit of telly, I noticed my drink glass.

 

He is still sat there even now I have photographed him and am writing about him.

I don't know what it is, but it isn't a fish

Went out yesterday to buy a new bass amp for Harry, so he could upset his neighbours by turning it up very loudly in the back garden, which is, of course, what we did. But to the point, on the way to the music shop, I was driving in and out of the motorbikes who were weaving all over the road, and one of them was calmly shaking a fish at me with previously unregarded nonchalance. It is a common gesture from motorbike pillions, who lazily flap their arms when they are basically cutting you up or pulling out into a stream of traffic that is moving at a good 80 mph, as this stops anyone from hitting them!?! Why this is, I have yet to discover, although it does seem to work, after a fashion. Pedestrians also use this amazing life-saving trick, and I was no slouch at using it myself when in Surabaya. In fact I got so used to just stepping out into moving traffic and just waving my hand a little to protect myself, that when I got back to the UK I walked out onto St George’s Street in Winch attempting the same procedure, and was luckily dragged back out of the road before I was mown down. But I have to say, that I never felt the need to add a fish to my repertoire to maintain my road safety.

I wish I could have got a picture of the guy, but I nearly ran myself off the road where I was laughing so much.

 

Ok not the most interesting  item in the entire world, but you had to be there.

 

J

 

More excuses

I know I haven’t posted for ages, but I have had a dose of terminal bird flu, and have been dead for a while. Well, not exactly dead, more high as a bastard on the anti-cold medication I have been taking. Sort of a cross between heroin and Benylin. I thoroughly recommend the stuff. Have been swapping between night shifts and day shifts and both shifts, so a bit dazed and confused, just for a change. Have included a vid of how weird and noisy the yard is at night.

Came in this morning to the site office, just in time to see one of our guys leading the workers, who were arranged in rank and file, through calisthenics! I always thought that morning exercises were an urban myth, but I am obviously mistaken. I have a new car, but whilst picking people up this morning, we discovered that the passenger door handle fall off, and the back seat won’t stay up. But it is big enough to cope with the shitty roads here, rather than keep grounding itself like the last car did.

I have a new house as well, apparently, although I haven’t been inside it or held the keys or anything that normally indicates the handing over off cash for property. Want to get a look at it so I know what work has to be done on it. Probably won’t have any air conditioners and certainly won’t have hot water. I will stay in the little house for the time being until the new one is prepped and ready for habitation. May have to get an HD telly for the place, although may wait until next month, and put up with the projector.

 

Ooh, ooh, while I was in KFC a couple of days ago, watched an indo guy, who was obviously loving himself, don his dark reflective sunglasses driving gloves with a flourish, only to completely miss the top step and tumble like a fallen log down the whole flight of concrete stairs. It’s moments like that one that make life so much more bearable.

 

Incidentally, the second picture is of a wad of indocash. Just over one of those bundles has sorted out getting me the new BIG house, and the rest is for fitting it out. Can’t wait until the Jacuzzi arrives! 13mill for a corner Jacuzzi bath. Maybe I ought to concentrate on getting hot water first though. About the same cost to fit solar water heating, so may have to wait until next month for the bathtub!

 

Anyway, I will try and post more regularly, but very busy and may be starting yet another blog, so it is all a bit weeiirrr, a bit woooeerrrr, a bit waaaoooeeiiirrrr.

 

Peace out

 

J

 

More pix

My house and car and shit

 

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Just a little disconcerting

This morning whilst engaging in the ritual bathing (it involves standing in my bathroom throwing saucepans of tepid water over myself and thinking clean thoughts) when I discovered the corpse of the biggest earwig that you have seen in your life. Very disturbing indeed.
I am writing this from my mobile phone at a mate's house. The housemaids are watching a VCD of Allah's greatest hit records. Ummi, ummi, ummi is an unmitigated classic. This makes you realise exactly how cool and up to date christian rock is.
Have bought an LCD projector for my house, so now I can watch a screen the size of one of my walls, about 90 inches now. When I got back home this afternoon, I went back to the car to get a packet of smokes, and as I walked out of the door, a bird shat on my hand! What are the chances? It's supposed to be lucky so will do my lottery tonight.

This is weird

I have been doing the occasional night shift at work, which mainly involves me turning up at about 8pm, staying for a bit, and then buggering off back home for a few hours sleep before coming back in for the morning. Last night, however, there was the strangest noise coming from the edges of the site. Now I am pretty sure that it is a frog of some description, but it is weird as you like. http://boss.justinrcutler.com/Night%20at%20shipyard.wav
Click on that, or the title to hear it. You will have to turn up the volume or use headphones, as I recorded it on my phone. Welcome to the oddity that is the night time aural vista.

J

Not again

Yet again I am at the mercy of a lunatic driver! My fault I guess. I did tell him to hurry. At least I know the guy, and he is a pretty good driver, apart from the guy he killed about four months ago, but that was probably not his fault. The worst bit is that I am totally desperate for a squirt and without a toilet, and this guy flying over potholes at an impressive fraction of the speed of sound, my bladder is gonna make its own arrangements.

Pain in the arse

 

I have now moved out of the hotel and into a new house in the middle of the island. The downside of this is that I have no fucking idea where the damn place is. I have so far got lost every time I have try to get to or from the place. It is in the middle of nowhere, and all the roads look identical, so it is pretty easy to drive off down the wrong one and end up lost as hell.

It is not a bad house, three bedrooms, big living room, and a huge kitchen. Downside is that there is no hot water, and the air conditioning unit is not hardy enough to keep the living room cool.

 

No shit

I will be honest, I am fearing for my life at this moment. I am in a taxi that I have been waiting over an hour for. And within 500 yards of leaving, there is a godawful rattling like a flat tyre. Turns out his wheel is falling off! He drives like a nutter and have about a half hour journey. I am fucking terrified, and I am only writing this email to take my mind off the journey. Besides, this might be my epitaph. We have now got to the seriously bumpy road, but at least he might slow down! Wanted to be at home in bed asleep by now. Instead I am risking my life in a cab driven by a guy who speaks no english, very little indonesian,and was stupid enough to drive to the wrong end of the island to pick me up. I have never been a fan of seatbelts, as you know, but I would kill for one now, but no such luck. Nearly there. The irony is that I have to part with cash to pay this lunatic for the privilege of damn near killing me! Not to mention my laundry bill!

Something new

I am completely knackered but also starving to death, so have had to wake up enough to order room service, so thought I would lay on a mini post while I wait for them to arrive. Hopefully they will make it before I eat myself from the inside!

Death by Cigarettes

Have wandered off to a local bar, much cheaper than the hotel, and almost bought 400 cigarettes! In a spate of sudden English i asked for 20 marlboro light, and that means twenty packets, not twenty cigarettes! Shit, would still have been cheaper than a carton in the uk by a shit load. Am sat by the marina overlooking the boat we were thinking about buying, and they have just taken out a load of Chinese girls on it! Can’t but help being a little disturbed about the amount of smoke coming off it. Still looks kinda nice though. Especially full of teenage girls. Just spoke to Harry and he reckons that it will be worth the money now for the seats alone!

 

Lmao

 

J

 

Fat horrible chinese kid

I thought it was funny! Although you may have to look at the fullsize image to appreciate it.

Business sense

Now this has always done my head in. This is taken at a busy crossroads, and
it doesn't really give you an idea of scale. There is a line about 300 yards
of identical shops, all selling identical products. When they see that one
guy is making money, they move in and do exactly the same next to him! And
it keeps growing. And they must all make enough cash to get by. It is the
same in the city though. You have a street of tailors and a street of
electrical retailers and in fact there is a mall completely full of stalls
all selling the same stuff. Fucked up and weird!

Circle K

Local amenities.

Des Res

Rural location 3bed, kit, din, airy bthrm. Only £2.50. Serious buyers only.

It's up his trunk!

Fishy

This one was about half a metre long!

Fishies

All the fishy piccies are at a restaurant where the fish are out the back in
these keep nets, and you pick which one you fancy, and ten minutes later he
is on a plate for your delight and delectation. Cool. Eating Nemo.

Pirates

Pool

Cabanas

Nonggsa Beach

Pix

Some more piccies

In case you hadn’t guessed, I have fuck all to do!

Pussy1

 

Pussy2

 

Another half day!

Had a hectic morning trying like hell to get some sort of internet connection going on in the office, when, at about 9am, only just over an hour since we got to work, the site manager knocked on the door to inform me that the site was closing as of 10 o’clock due to a fatality the previous afternoon. Having found Harry and packed up and got the fuck out of dodge before the police arrived, it turns out that it had been late evening when one the guys fell off a ladder and led there and bled out while absolutely nobody noticed that he had gone. While this was being discussed, it emerged that at some other point in time, two blokes had been beating the shit out of each other with lengths of scaffold pole and one of them had fifty odd stitches to put his skull back together. So i am back in my hotel room typing this and generally doing homework until the internet connection gives out. I will try and post some piccies from the hotel, but they take 36 hours to upload!

Natty new uniform

Spent yesterday in bloody Singapore again, but also spent some time in the Creative building, owned by the makers of computer audio equipment of the highest order. Test drove their totally kicking 7.1 speaker system and fuck me it kicked out some. Will get one on pay day, no mistake. Today moved onto my new hotel suite complete with kitchen and living room and two balconies overlooking the sea to Singapore. Got to said room and it turned out to be a single room overlooking the high level assault course. No matter, things will sort themselves out over the next coupla days. I am too tired and sweaty to care. Here is me in my new getup from Sing looking like an overeating doozer. Looking as sexy as one man may dare to. Speak to you all soon.

 

J

 

Nothing like Fear and Loathing

This week has been tricky. Monday had loads planned, but achieved nothing at all when the driver decided he was too sick. Harry was in Singapore in meetings. The next morning I was doing the driver's job of tending to Harry's beck and call. Luckily, I love driving, so it wasn't too arduous. When the end of the day swung around, I really fancied a beer, so got in, cracked open a bottle and sat on the porch. Now I have been without running water for ages, and I stunk, it was hot, sweaty and generally shit. I decided to go across the road and get a poolside suite at the Harris Resort opposite, as we had a corporate rate there. A bath has never felt so good. After a bath, I ordered a beer and went for a swim. Hit the bar afterwards and totally humiliated myself doing karaoke, then shuffled off to bed, falling over at some point as I now have a huge gash on my knee. The next day I was determined to sort out the water at the house. To do this I had to contact a mutual friend of mine and the landlords. Unfortunately, he is a bit of a pisshead. I turned up at the restaurant he was at, to have a cold beer thrust into my hand. The day went downhill from there. Needless to say I got hammered, and the following day, cursed myself and prayed for death. This was Thursday, and I had eaten nothing since Tuesday morning. I took another room at the Harris, and tried to sleep it off. Now, as I faded in and out of consciousness I kept having this semi-nightmare that I was being attacked by bloody great black lizards. They kept biting my hands, but they didn't really hurt. Really weird as it kept happening every time I dozed off. Anyway, next morning, was out and about working, and had to go back to the house, and fuck me if there wasn't one of these bloody great lizards at the side of the road staring at me. Scared the bijesus out of me. Malicious looking bastard I tried getting a picture of him, but he gave me a scornful look and buggered off.

Never drinking again.

Not exactly paradise

As I am now living in the new house on the other side of the island, I have had to get some essentials. Have fitted out the kitchen with fridge, microwave, burners, rice cooker, ummm etc. Have set up my media desktop in the master bedroom, and television an DVD player downstairs in the corner. Downstairs is an office of sorts. The house is pretty huge, but only a few rooms Downstairs has one gigantic room, which is doing the job of office, a side room which is generally filled with junk I haven't found a home for yet. At the back is the kitchen, toilet, shower and maids bedroom. Upstairs just the spare bedroom and the master bedroom and ensuite. It is huge. I have had smaller studio flats. Now unfortunately there are some bummers. Have two phone lines, but no internet. Have electricity, most of the time. It tends to be off for three hours in the morning, and when it is on, I have to be careful how many electrical items I have switched on, or the fuse blows. I had a cleaner here the day before yesterday who cleaned the kitchen and did all the washing up etc. Ever since then however, I seem to have no mains water. Even if I did have mains water, the water heater in my ensuite has a leak and therefore pisses water everywhere.
I have been shopping for food, and with no break with tradition, bought nothing fucking useful in the slightest. I haven't eaten this badly since Sussex Lodge! Some of you know exactly what I mean. Yesterday I had rice with ketchup, and this evening I had rice and baked beans. Have no idea where the local shop is, so just been coping. Tomorrow, however, I will get some decent grub. Another issue arises from not being able to wash up, due to the lack of water thing. So far I have been doing my best with tissues! Other downer is that this is a non-smoking house, so have to go and sit on the porch to have a smoke. I would like to think that it is helping me cut down, but sadly it just means that I am sat out on the porch like a fucking hick! Still, shit happens.

Laters.

Bored

Cannot sleep because it appears that I have a snoring sheep outside my
window. Wish I could work out what the hell it is. I have told you what it
sounds like, but unless the fluffy bugger has made it onto the roof, it has
to be something a little less ovine. Must be some sort of lizard. They all
make weird noises. When I was in Bondowoso all those years ago, I was warned
to listen out for the 'fuck off' lizard! Of course I had no idea what they
were going on about, until sat on the porch with a beer one evening, you
could clearly hear what sounded like a mechanical voice saying 'fuck off,
fuck off' and that was a tiny little lizarddy fella.

Funny if a sheep fell through the ceiling while I was typing. I think I
would be too embarassed to type about it, even if it did.

Right I am going to go and make myself a sarnie and try harder to get some
sleep.

Goodnight folks

New house

After a hell of a lot of faffing about and a torrential downpour, I have
moved out of the apartment complex. At this moment I am in a huge house on
the other side of the island. Downside is that it is not exactly the fuckin
ritz. It hasn't been lived in for some time, so it is pretty dirty. Have put
a kitchen in and a couple of water dispensers, and now it is just a case of
getting the place cleaned up. There is a maid's quarters downstairs, so
might have to go and get one of them.
Also, if I haven't mentioned it thus far, despite being about thirty miles
of the line of the equator, I have managed to catch a fucking cold. Now
ain't that about a bitch!
I have some sort of job interview early next week, so everyone keep their
fingers crossed for me. It is basically just a data entry job onsite at a
construction yard, but is worth $200 a day. Not the hugest salary in the
world, but about three times what the restaurant was paying me. All I need
to do is become fluent in gas and oil construction lingo. No problem. I know
my FSO's from my FPSO's and my ITR from my MDR so all should be well! Will
keep you informed.

Peace out

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16:44

Some Pics

Dunno what order they are in, but there are pictures of monkeys and birds eating my nuts.

 

Nuff said!

 

J

 

Me in safety gear

I look like a doozer! A sexy doozer though!

Sincere apologies

I realise that it has been quite a while since I last posted, but have been pretty damn busy. Firstly, I have quit job at the appartment complex. I am helping a friend with his company for the time being. There are some plusses with this. The obvious one is that I no longer have to worry about menus, rotas, and the suchlike. Downside is that I no longer have a full-time income, and I have to keep doing the infernal visa run to Singapore every four weeks. Have been mooching round shipyards and construction sites quite a bit, and have increased my knowledge of the gas and oil industries by about 400%, which is always good. As ever, have not let the threat of poverty and homelessness stand in the way of having some fun.
Every weekend, Harry and I, and his brood of kids go to the best resort on the island to get drunk and swim. We try to fit in at least one other activity as well. Last time we decided to have a go on their gun range. I spoke to the guy to arrange it, and he disappeared for ten minutes. When he returned, he was carrying two MP5 submachine guns! The poster had said 100 rounds for $10 so I was fucking astounded. I had a severe hangover, and there's a guy in front of me with two guns and two magazines with 9mm rounds clearly showing. What were they thinking? He led Harry, me, and the whole family up to a patch of snake infested wasteground behind the resort proper, and puts up our targets for us. He kept hold of the mags while he was doing this, and left the guns on the range table. I picked one up, and it was heavy as hell. I was beginning to get a little concerned that these really were the real deal, and was aprehensive as we had no ear protection. I tried cocking the fucker, and, thank god, it wouldn't shift. They were replicas after all, and the 9mm rounds I had seen on the magazines slid back, and you filled it up with BB pellets. Still bloody good fun, as they were fully automatic. When you sqeezed, a stream of ball bearings went flying off down the range. Totally immature and a waste of cash and time, but what a laugh!

Have been busy doing other shit too, almost as much fun, but buggered if I can remember it with enough clarity to recount. As it comes back to me, I will post it.

Take care.

Back in Sing

Was up at some completely god-awful time this morning and was on the first ferry of the day off the island. Funnily enough I could still use the internet half way across the journey, but it cut out way before I landed. Also, a complete first, and a total Hallmark Moment. I walked straight off the ferry at the Singapore end and straight through immigration! For all of you who have never been through Singapore, it can sometimes take up to 40 minutes usually to get through immigration, so walking straight through is a fucking rarity. Got straight into a taxi to the office of the bloke I needed to see, and he saw me for all of about fifteen seconds and told me to come back in about six hours. So, being stuck in a ridiculously expensive city, with no money, I went for a wander round. After coming to the conclusion that there is absolutely nothing to do, I decide to find myself a hotel that rents rooms by the hour. Having found an 81 hotel just on the next corner, I go and discreetly enquire as to the ‘by the hour’ situation, as, let’s face it, we all know why you rent rooms by the hour. I explain that I have a meeting later in the day and want a room to have a shower etc, and she looks completely disbelievingly at me, but quotes me a price and asks for my passport. Unfortunately, I have already given my passport to the bloke in the offices opposite and won’t see it again for god knows how many hours. I ended up having to give her my immigration slip and guess at my passport number. Hopefully I won’t go to prison for it, but I needed a shower. It is hot outside, even by normal standards, and I am sweating like a necrophiliac in a morgue. Will add more later when my visa gets declined for whatever reason.

Okay, it wasn’t declined, but took a few more hours than expected. Incidentally, the hotel room itself was only slightly larger than a wardrobe, and if you wanted a shower, you really had to be sat on the toilet to get the full effect, as there wasn’t really the room to stand. So was going to have a mooch around Singapore for a bit, having sorted out the business of the day, but was too tired, hot, sweaty, stinky, and pissed off with the whole place to be really bothered. Decided to hop on the MRT (underground), back to the harbour and book my ticket and then spend some time wandering around the shopping centre there, which is pretty extensive and usually filled with some pretty impressive fanny. As I got to the booking queue, turns out that there was a ferry just about to leave, so hopped on that. There was a bloke from the island in the queue in front of me, which was odd. He’s a UK bloke, and the first time I met him, he was wearing the same crappy T-shirt from ‘Georges’ of Asda as I had just bought before coming over, so took the piss out of his fashion sense. I know that is slightly hypocritical, but I am more than aware that my taste in clothing is abominable, so I don’t count it.

While I was on the MRT, they show videos of tube trains exploding and bits of people left after the various terrorist attacks on trains over the past few years in an attempt to make sure you report any left luggage to the authorities. Fuck that! I was shitting myself. Talk about effective shock tactics.

Anyway, just getting back into Batam waters, so will send this off.

Peace out.

 

 

 

Takeshi's castle

Well, as everyone knows, I am a bastard for a bit of Takeshi's Castle. It turns out that it is daytime telly over here. Downside is that each episode runs for an hour with breaks in the action all over the place with two Indo guys sat on a sofa with a bottle of what looked suspiciously like Jim Beam on the coffee table in between them. Every so often a gigantic man would join them. I can't work out if it is a rehash of Jap Takeshi, or their own slant on it over here. A lot of the games were similar, and some were totally different. There was a particularly painful looking back-breaking incident involving an exceedingly unattractive, flat-chested woman bouncing off a large podium with her eleventh and twelfth vertabrae. Cracking televisual entertainment of the highest magnitude.

On a completely different note, I have just made myself an extremely interesting sandwich made from some sort of tuna paste, gouda, and a touch of roquefort. Not sure how pleased I was with the result, but it was definitely interesting.

Incidentally, I am off to Singapore on Wednesday so if anyone happens to be in Sing, giz a shout. If not, you're obviously too lazy.

Singapore

Right, firstly ought to apologise for the lack of posts recently. To bring you up to date, I have a minor issue with my work permit over here, so have been hiding in a hotel for a week or so. Been going out in town a lot more, which is good, but have very little recollection of these evenings, which is not so good.
Anyway, buggered off to Singapore for a coupla days to give Harry a hand with some bits and pieces. First pub we went to over there cost equivalent of ten quid a pint for damned Heineken! Went to some other pubs, and the notorious 'four floors of whores' at Orchard Towers. With our usual knack for these things, the first place we ended up in was filled with ladyboys. Matt would have loved the place.
Many bars, a 7-11, and almost two thousand Sing Dollars later we were back at the hotel with a bag of lager and pringles. We sat on the roof in the biggest spa pool I have ever seen and shoved beer down our necks until 1am.
The next day, Harry was in meetings and I spent the day buying pies. Seventy-two of them to be honest. Later, just before heading to the ferry, we went shopping for one of the things that you just cannot get over here. Cheese. Spent almost 100 dollars between us on camembert, roquefort, Jarlsberg, port salut, and some gouda. When I got home I stuffed my face with stinky cheesiness.
You'd have to know how much I love cheese to fully understand this.
Will post more soon.
Big love.

Goddamn darts

Went out buying some supplies for Harry’s new office today, including some stupid shit, like a lamp that looks like it is constantly pouring beer into a mug, and of course, the main item that any office requires, a dartboard. As well as all the electrical equipment we bought, there was some desk tidies and suchlike. When we got it back to the office, the most important thing was to get the humorous lamp working. Of course, the damn thing lit up, but didn’t actually pour beer at all. Thoroughly disappointed with this, i decided to at least get the dartboard hung somewhere. Having found a convenient nail, i proceeded to assemble the darts. Not the trickiest of jobs and i was ready to go in mere minutes. Having gauged myself an oche, i slung the ol’ arrows. One by one they bounced out of the board. Bollocks! So tried again. Net result, three darts on the floor. Now, getting a mite pissed that two things i wanted to play with were non-operational, i investigated the darts a little further. Turns out that they had little plastic covers to protect the pointy bits. Threw again – 180! Probably only the second time in my life. And the only company i had was an Indonesian lad who had no fucking clue why the white man was screaming and doing a little dance chanting ‘wuuuuuuuunnnnnnnnnn huuuuuuundreeeeeed and aaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyytttteyyyyyy’. Sometimes there is no justice in life!

Result!

Every damned time this happens. I get on a plane, and I have a bank of three seats, with no-one Sat with me. So I sit there, basically imagining how great it is gonna feel stretched out sleeping on these seats. Then the last person to get on the plane, usually just as the doors are closing, comes and sits next to me.

Addendum. When I got up just after this guy arrived, got himself comfortable, and then decided that he wanted the toilet, I noticed that the plane is nearly empty, so as soon as the seatbelt sign went out, I rushed back and found a spare bank of three.

Goodnight folks

Odd really

Never really been sure why they give you ice-cream for breakfast on these flights to Singapore. Its not one of my usual prandial practices.

Sorry

I know that I haven't posted for ages, and apologise in advance for it being a totally naff one. In the UK there has just been Two and a Half Men weekend showing every single episode from all five series. Unfortunately, due to a bout of food poisoning coupled with a slight hangover meant that I missed the majority of it. So I am sat on the plane, and there's an episode on the playlist. It's a shame really, because everybody is trying to sleep and I am pissing myself laughing and the bloke opposite is looking decidedly unimpressed.

Been a while

Sorry I haven't posted for ages, but been pretty busy. Been to Singapore twice, once just to get to the airport though. I took the Singapore Metro this time, as it is supposed to be cheap, fast, and extremely efficient. Took me an hour and a bloody half to cross the city. Bollocks to that.
Got stuck in Abu Dhabi for twelve and a half hours due to fog. Never want to end up there again. Back in Uk, I have only just got over the stress of Abu Dhabi. Will retrospectively post the other stuff I have been up to when I have the time and enthusiasm.

Yet another party

Just a quick one as I am fucking knackered. Had a party today for 100 pax, been at the pool for thirteen hours and have another party tomorrow, so will just post these piccies of my bargirls and the bloody great speaker stacks that the band were using. It was like being at Glasto Festy this afternoon.

Ulcer groundworks

One of my girls went to give me a quick shoulder rub this morning, and I was in fucking agony. When I went back to get changed for the party, I took a quick look at my back in the mirror and I have either fallen off the back of a motorbike, or I have been the victim of assault and massage. Am just about to take a well deserved bath, and get some sleep and hope that the searing pain diminishes.

Damned good fun

Had to give the secretary a lift home this evening, and couldn't find any of the cars, so borrowed a Mitsubishi Lancer from a friend to take her. First decent car I've driven over here. Got a rather juicy 110km/h out of her, which is a pretty incredible achievement over here. I was weaving in and out of the lorries and shit and absolutely loving it. So nice to finally be in a car that actually accelerates when you want it to.
That was certainly a lot better than the start of my day. Hungover as hell, I had to take the bar supervisor and Trevor's wife out clothes shopping. Two and a half hours trying to find a plain T-shirt. Indonesian T-shirts are just ridiculous. The slogans are completely nonsensical. I have attached a piccie, but not sure if you can read it. Things like 'Have most pleasure had pain' and shit like that. Makes no sense whatsoever. Am gonna design my own range of T-shirts aimed at expats with slogans like 'Toe Talk Hunt' and 'Lie K Null?'. Might even export to Uk.
Anyway, gonna go and have a bath.

Scary

It is beginning to worry me that I cannot seem to touch anything electrical in this damned place. The list of things I have taken a shock off is pretty strange. I cannot touch the whole of the storage fridge. The chest freezers are covered in plastic, but the padlock clasps aren't, so I get a shock from that. Cannot touch the microwave, the back of my computer, or the metal casing of the stereo. The weirdest one is the breadmaker, as not only do I get shocked from the bread tin, if I touch the damned dough to check how firm it is, that fucking shocks me too. Is it a sign of getting old.

oh dear

Well, I’m so hungover I could die. Went out for a quick pint last night, staggered in at some god unknown hour having lost my mobile in the pub somewhere with a girl whose name I cannot remember. Oddly enough, my phone turned up this morning, as one of the guys I was drinking with brought it back with him. I didn’t have my camera with me, so no piccies. Sorry. Gonna go and drink some hydrating stuff and try and get back to normal. May have to switch off and reboot for a day or so.

apartment

Although it is still some time away from completion, my apartment is looking better than it did.

Umm, a bit dull

I know I haven’t posted anything for a while, but, to be honest, I haven’t done much that I can report. Admittedly I did go out Tuesday night and get thoroughly demolished, but I have no fucking idea what the hell I actually did. I know I hired a motorcycle taxi for the majority of the evening, and he took me to some places, but aside from that, not a clue. I promise I will write some more when I have stuff to report. Although incidentally, I have just booked my flights and shit, and will be back in UK 12^th March for a fortnight. No drinking in that time, as am determined this time not to be nauseous on the flight.

Hectic Day

Three o’clock this morning I was repeatedly chanting ‘one more beer wont hurt, I can handle the party tomorrow with a hangover’ . I was wrong. Had about 150 people to feed and water arriving at 1pm. The funny thing was that the power grid shut down about 11am, and then the water stopped. Luckily electricity came back on just as people started arriving. Didn’t sort out my hangover though. Been a rough day, but a major laugh by the end of the evening. I am to bed, so I will send more later. Although I did say I would add some piccies of the penguins, so will add them now.